When enough things go wrong…

 

For the past several years things have gone wrong for me.  My fortune lost, my wife left, my health failing, and my hopes fading.  Last night was one to remember – or maybe one I should forget.  I have not been sick this long since boot camp in the Navy.  A general sinus/respiratory winter bug picked up at Thanksgiving has morphed and remained and the year is almost gone.  To compound this I got a hernia about a month ago as well and when I went to a Dr. to have it looked at I found my b.p. was 200/100 and I suspect my A1C was back up to 600 as it was in 2012 when I took my last physical exam (I declined the blood-work – I didn’t want to hear any more bad news).

Last night as I coughed up maybe a cup of fluid from my lungs and could hear that “old mans friend” rattle in my chest, I realized I was seriously sick.   Living out here at my ranch is beautiful but isolated.  Especially now with a foot of snow on the ground.  We plow the roads with the ATV which recently had decided not to do 4WD in reverse rendering it very susceptible to getting stuck.  I tried my chains but unfortunately, due to having gotten new tires that happen to be bigger, they don’t fit.  The winch on my truck has turned out to be a life saver.

I have been listening to teaching tapes about how the true source of sickness is really in our minds – or more accurately, our hearts.  So I have been trying to “relax” and trust God and be at peace.  I created an ‘Alter of God’s Cares’ upon which I have written all my cares and walk by it several times a day to remind myself that “those problems” are not mine to worry about.

As I coughed and sniffled most of last night trying to find a little REM sleep, a nasty thought came into my mind – do I have lung cancer?  My mom died of that stuff when she was 61 and I am now 59.  I dismissed it quickly, not needing another problem to worry about.

I hate doctors and hospitals with a passion.  I simply know too much and I don’t trust them at all.  All they do is hunt for problems and then push drugs to fix them.  They raise the stress levels to the sky as they predict your imminent demise because your numbers are out of whack.  I don’t mind knowing when something is wrong but the solutions they offer just make things worse in the long run.  At my last checkup they began to ask me a series of questions about depression and I found I was quite depressed.  Later it came to mind that answering those questions will go into my medical record forever and maybe 20 years from now could be used by a death-panel to euthanize me.  I wish I hadn’t participated.  I trust them like I do the IRS and lawyers.

I know I live with tons of fear, mostly of government systems like the medical and legal money sucking scams we have now in the US.  So far, I have been able to keep myself away from these systems but now that I am broke, that is becoming more difficult.  I need to find my DD214 form so I can use VA services to get this hernia fixed at an affordable price.  It’s the suction of the scam I am feeling, slowly pulling me into its vortex of “health care” and “insurance” and government “benefits”.  If you lose your health and your not rich, you are toast if you want to stay away from these systems.  They are like parasites that come at the end of life to suck whatever you have left away from you and then leave your old dried-up carcus to the undertaker – the last scam in the line.  Incidentally, I just got a solicitation last week from the same cemetery where my parents are burred on special deals for plots – just seems too coincidental to me.

I don’t think of myself as a pessimist, but a critical analyzer, looking for possible problems to avoid.  I think this critical streak in me ends up mostly condemning myself with regrets from the past and worries of the future.  Such things are against God’s laws and I know are sin – I am trying to purge those things from myself even as circumstances seem to be getting worse and worse.  I am trying to make sure I have forgiven everyone.  I want to rest in God’s provision no matter what the circumstances.   I don’t want to complain and I try to do something fun and productive every day.

Sickness can be a great purging time.  You are forced to rest.  If you want to get better, you better eat right and get a little exercise every day.  There is a good side to all suffering.

It’s just hard.  It’s just really hard.

One good Mandela Effect begets another

Once again, I am writing about this fascinating thing called the Mandela Effect.  One of the best videos so far that I have seen on this topic is here.  Skip to 7:30 as the first part is pretty random speculation by the author that I don’t consider vary valuable.

One of the examples in this video is the Berest[E/A]in Bears. (23:50 in the video)

The URL being shown in the video is http://www.80scartoons.net/toons/berenstein.html.  If you go there you will see this:

In the video you will see that the author shows this page in a wayback machine and notes that the name changed around July-August of 2001.  He never noticed that the URL was spelled the old way.

Now there are two possibilities as I see it.

1. The Mandela Effect is bogus and the book was ALWAYS named Berestain and for some silly reason, the cartoon website spelled it wrong both for the page name and for the title and later discovered they had made a mistake.
2. The book actually did change and the title was changed to reflect the book change.

You can pick which you want to believe but there are MANY people that remember it as BerestEin.

Here’s a personal anecdote: I was visiting my sister and her daughter mid July of 2016 and showed them this video.  Both of them had some of the books and both remember the name being BerestEin.  After watching the movie we all went to their bookshelf and found one of the books and saw that it was BerestAin.  Both of them assumed that they had remembered it wrong and went back to sleep.  (Though they both lost a nights sleep thinking about it!)

If this were the only example, I would have done the same.  There are MANY and more are being found every day and many have evidences of the change still existing.

I don’t know what this is and I don’t know why it’s happening but I think this is important.  All it takes to make one a believer in the Mandela Effect is one good example that you have a strong personal memory of and the rest of the examples will pull you right in.

Hallmarks of the Mandela Effect:

• Multiple people remember things as being different (but not everybody).
• The changes are usually subtle.
• The effect appears to go back in time – as if the item never had changed but was just remembered differently.
• Often there are secondary or tertiary references that are not effected by the change. (The referenced video shows many of these)

What causes the Mandela Effect?  Here are the ideas I have heard:

• CERN is messing with time and causing people to cross parallel universes or is altering our universe somehow.
• Satan is in his final attacks before the second coming and is screwing with our heads.
• This is a PsyOp by the US Government with Google helping to mess with our heads and distract us from more important matters.
• Its not happening at all and you’re crazy to think so.  It’s all a memory trick caused by errors that have always been there but nobody noticed till now.
• Its not happening.  There are a bunch of wacko conspiracy theorists out there believing this stuff and promoting it (like me here).

Whatever the reason, it is trending… https://www.google.com/trends/explore?date=all&q=Mandela%20Effect and is mostly trending in North America – as if America is the target if this were some PsyOp.

 

A possible explanation for the Mandela Effect

If  you haven’t heard of the Mandela Effect, go to youtube and search for some videos on the subject.  You will find a massive set of data points that are inexplicable and trending.  Go ahead, check it out, I’ll just wait here…

If you personally do not have any memories that don’t jive with our present reality (like I do) than you probably might as well stop reading here.

Now I have my desired audience!

Google Trends on the Mandela Effect

We know from the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and the Placebo Effect that observation and belief effects reality.  We know from such things as faith healing and “The Secret” that people can will changes into reality.

Supposing that the state of all non-living things on earth is controlled by a higher dimension.  Suppose that our actions such as building a house, effect that higher dimension as we take the steps to assemble physical structures, write books, invent things, etc.

Now suppose that Google Search has finally reached sufficient public critical mass that it can significantly effect the beliefs of enough people to alter reality on a mass scale.

Here’s a typical scenario: Google Search makes a change to its search results from “Luke, I am your Father” to  “No, I am your Father” and immediately people searching on star wars stuff begin to observe this change and believe it’s true, cuz of course, “it’s on Google so it must be true”!  This alters the perception of reality of millions of people which alters the higher dimension controlling dead things in this reality and all of a sudden, all the star wars movies change to match the perception!

This is really insufficient to be believable but…

Let’s introduce the spiritual realm here.  I came up with this idea after watching the movie The Forgotten which had Aliens as the explanation for the selective loss of memories characters were having.

To me Aliens is just the PC term for daemons.  So lets suppose that daemons are watching us use search engines all the time.  Lets also suppose that they have a great influence on this higher dimension that controls the physical universe.  They then do an experiment by altering that dimension.  They then see Google begin to reflect the change they made and this propagates the meme into the consciousness of millions of people.  At first of course they would do inconspicuous things so as not to wake up the sheeple – because I think they have plans to ramp this up to create the mass delusion God will allow in the soon-to-come end times.

Because people don’t observe all possible references to the original reality, the daemons can’t update the higher dimension perfectly, at least not instantly.  As more references become observed by people, and thus by the daemons, the higher reality gets updated, just like Google Search does, to reflect a more coherent reality.

But like in the movie “The Forgotten”, some people just will not accept Google’s word for truth and there are these hanger-ons that see something here is wrong.

I believe our long-term memories must be held in an even higher dimension or in the spirit-realm where the daemons can’t touch them.  Thus it is easy for people with strong willed memories to hold onto the true memories of past reality because that part of us is simply stored somewhere else.

To me this all explains these aspects of the Mandela Effect:

• The fact that a large number, but not everyone, notices something strange is going on.
• The fact that reality appears to have always been the way it is even though it does not agree with our long-term memories.
• The fact that discrepancies still exist where one form of reality is shown in one place but corresponding places don’t seem to have been affected yet.
• The fact that seemingly minor/tiny changes are being made for the most part but these differences seem to be increasing in frequency and magnitude over time.

Without accepting the spiritual reality of demonic activity and biblical prophecy, I find this, or any explanation, to be hard to believe.  This one, to me, is actually rational and believable.

Comments welcome.

A key data-point for the Gay/Lesbian community

I recently read a book entitled Pottenger’s Cats – a Study In Nutrition by Dr. Francis M. Pottenger the study of which was done between the years of 1932-1942, long before Gay rights was an issue.

The study compared multi-generational effects of feeding raw-milk and raw-meat products to cats vs. processed milk and meats.

On page 11 of my copy I read this very interesting, and I think important, conclusion:

In essence, there is evidence of a role reversal with the female cats becoming the aggressors and the male cats becoming passive as well as evidence of increasing abnormal activities between the same sexes.  Such sexual deviations are not observed among the raw food cats.

Just some food for thought.

The downside of solar

Last night I decided to turn off the power to my home so that I could drain my batteries using my solar system to cycle them. I do this about every other month to keep my batteries working well. Usually what happens is that when my heating system comes on it may overload my inverters and they will trip offline and I will reset them in the morning and commence to charge the battery. This morning appeared to be normal except that the inverters did not trip offline and one was trying to charge the battery while the other one was cycling between charging and floating the battery. I had never seen this happen before. Things were looking very strange and I discovered that the voltage at some Outlets was only 40 volts. After many hours of troubleshooting I narrowed the problem down to two circuits in the basement near my heating system. I discovered my booster pump was broken, the power supply to my computer was damaged, and it appears that some of the refridgerators and freezers are acting up. I called the company that installed my heating system and they will be sending their top electrician to troubleshoot what went wrong. Even now when I try to turn my computer on the voltage fluctuates on my lights and my lights dim. So I feel quite isolated right now because I’m afraid to use any sophisticated electrical devices in my house. It’s been a pretty Freaky Monday.

Musings on Dubai and me.

After some frustration with trying to connect with my mongodb via nodejs I thought I would chill out with this interesting video:

I really like this music for the most part and this video shows some parts of the Bahamas I have been to.  Never got to Dubai however.

As I now contemplate that I may never see that place due to a long string of financial disasters since 2000 I was reminded of the saying of Solomon:

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.

Especially when I thought of the fact that this beautiful city of Dubai was built by slave labor.

Somehow, doing my taxes is also very hard to do right now.

When I was rich I was so unhappy because my wife and I could not agree on anything and though we could have traveled the world for the rest of our lives in luxury it wasn’t something she wanted to do.  Her proposal on January 1st of 2000 to sell our MSFT stock was prophetic and is still haunting.  That was the peak… THE PEAK… of the stock of ALL TIME – the very DAY she suggested it and I passed.  Projecting back with the coulda-woulda-shoulda thinking that haunts me, I could easily by now be worth over 100 million dollars.

Soon afterwards when she said through tears that we had to go back to Woodinville to finish the kids High School education and I needed to get back to “normal” life… it broke something inside me.  I could care less about money or security and literally began the self-destruction of my life – not consciously but it began nevertheless.

I often wonder if I am better off now than I would have been had I followed her advice and played it “safe”.  Would my marriage have survived?  Would I have been happier than I am now?  Where would my kids be now?

I perceive that my kids hate money in general because they saw an unhappy marriage in the midst of wealth.  I don’t think money was the cause but it was an enabler for Debbie and I not to deal with our real issues till too much time had past to fix them.  I certainly hope that such a perception by them will keep them out of the mistakes I have made.  I suspect their views may change in time.  Money is very nice to have for many things, but it is a real trap at the same time.

I have enjoyed about 10 years of retirement and am seeing the distinct possibility that it may come to an end – if I can find a job in these tough times and at my age.

So I take some refuge and consolation from Solomon.  I have lead a very interesting life and I certainly hope for another chapter of God’s amazing provision, but it may not be in the cards.  I may have to face head-on the consequences of years of mistakes and poor decisions and every day of it will be hard.

My hope is that I can spend most of my time helping others and thus comforting myself and find joy in what is left of this life.  Teaching kids chess, helping people with computers, trying to solve problems with software, providing a home for other families and hopefully sharing my place with guests, giving them memories for their families and sharing what blessings I have with them.

Its hard not to cry being alone much of the time in a beautiful place, actually sitting only feet from where my wife gave me the most amazing financial advice ever, with everything I really need and want right now except family and a clear financial future.

So I will take consolation in listening to MR. Bogdan Postolache’s wonderful composition which I hope you enjoy as much as I have this evening.

¹³ Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

¹⁴ For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

 

The Painful Process of Lowering Expectations

Ah, what are cats for?  Maybe just for lessons in life.

For the last several nights my cat has been restless and wanted to go out and come back in several times, waking me up each time.  In the summer, she stays outside all the time. We have a nice spot in our nursery where she can be warm and comfy.  But in the winter, I let her come inside especially at night.  There are conditions however, and over time, these need reinforcement.  She knows she better not scratch up the woodwork or furniture and she better not poop in the house either.  As long as she behaves, I let her go out and come in as she pleases.

But over time, the boundary creep sets in.  Things get taken for granted and she begins to expect me to be her door keeper, sometimes 4 times in a night!  When this happens its time to kick her out and make her stay out.

Such nights are difficult because she is constantly scratching to get back in.  What can I do?  If I let her in, she will continue to be master of the house and I her door slave.  So I spend a night listening to her scratch and feeling for her bewilderment as she wonders why she can’t come in at night in the winter when she was in just fine last night.

I must be an evil master.  I must have gotten into one of my ‘moods’ again.  I tried to explain it to her this morning, but I doubt she understands.

After a long night of suffering, I let her in and we resume the dance of life together and I hope tomorrow night, I will only have to let her out once, if at all.