I really like this music for the most part and this video shows some parts of the Bahamas I have been to. Never got to Dubai however.
As I now contemplate that I may never see that place due to a long string of financial disasters since 2000 I was reminded of the saying of Solomon:
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.
Especially when I thought of the fact that this beautiful city of Dubai was built by slave labor.
Somehow, doing my taxes is also very hard to do right now.
When I was rich I was so unhappy because my wife and I could not agree on anything and though we could have traveled the world for the rest of our lives in luxury it wasn’t something she wanted to do. Her proposal on January 1st of 2000 to sell our MSFT stock was prophetic and is still haunting. That was the peak… THE PEAK… of the stock of ALL TIME – the very DAY she suggested it and I passed. Projecting back with the coulda-woulda-shoulda thinking that haunts me, I could easily by now be worth over 100 million dollars.
Soon afterwards when she said through tears that we had to go back to Woodinville to finish the kids High School education and I needed to get back to “normal” life… it broke something inside me. I could care less about money or security and literally began the self-destruction of my life – not consciously but it began nevertheless.
I often wonder if I am better off now than I would have been had I followed her advice and played it “safe”. Would my marriage have survived? Would I have been happier than I am now? Where would my kids be now?
I perceive that my kids hate money in general because they saw an unhappy marriage in the midst of wealth. I don’t think money was the cause but it was an enabler for Debbie and I not to deal with our real issues till too much time had past to fix them. I certainly hope that such a perception by them will keep them out of the mistakes I have made. I suspect their views may change in time. Money is very nice to have for many things, but it is a real trap at the same time.
I have enjoyed about 10 years of retirement and am seeing the distinct possibility that it may come to an end – if I can find a job in these tough times and at my age.
So I take some refuge and consolation from Solomon. I have lead a very interesting life and I certainly hope for another chapter of God’s amazing provision, but it may not be in the cards. I may have to face head-on the consequences of years of mistakes and poor decisions and every day of it will be hard.
My hope is that I can spend most of my time helping others and thus comforting myself and find joy in what is left of this life. Teaching kids chess, helping people with computers, trying to solve problems with software, providing a home for other families and hopefully sharing my place with guests, giving them memories for their families and sharing what blessings I have with them.
Its hard not to cry being alone much of the time in a beautiful place, actually sitting only feet from where my wife gave me the most amazing financial advice ever, with everything I really need and want right now except family and a clear financial future.
So I will take consolation in listening to MR. Bogdan Postolache’s wonderful composition which I hope you enjoy as much as I have this evening.